Eating Alone (Written in 2011)

“For those of you who don’t know me outside of the cyber world, I’ll let you in on something.  I transferred schools this past semester; and let me tell you adjusting has not been easy, especially considering I’m in an entirely different state. I guess it didn’t occur to me when I decided to transfer schools that there would be such difficulty in adjustment. Classes aren’t as tough but “the friend thing” has been taking a toll on me.

I have been eating by myself in the dining hall at this particular school since September but I didn’t think anything of it. Besides, I thought, “I’m confident in my skin, I don’t need people around me to validate my personality or independence.” “Eagles are independent and often alone,” I said trying to compare myself to the greatest bird of all time as if that would make me feel better.

Little did I know, the impact my self-conscious had on me.

Today at around 6:30pm, after my class I went to the dining hall for dinner. My initial plan was to sit down and eat dinner no matter who was around but as soon as I walked into the dining hall, I saw flocks of friends congregating and enjoying meals with one another and I almost changed my mind. But my biological needs didn’t allow that “mind-change” to last for more than a minute. I was really hungry so I just grabbed the Chicken Alfredo that the chef just prepared and I went to look for a seat.

I ended up sitting all the way in the back of the right side of the dining hall because the place was extremely packed with students. I began eating my food and just “enjoying” the lack of taste the dish offered. After about my 5th bite, I glanced the entire right side of the dining hall and I looked back at myself and I noticed that I was the only person eating alone. The amount of embarrassment I felt upon noticing that is completely incomparable. Although, no one really paid any attention to me, I felt my level of confidence drop to a negative number. I felt really horrible inside although my demeanor and facial expression showed otherwise.

I came back to my room and in Google I typed “Eating Alone” juts to see if anyone else experienced what I was going through. Interestingly enough, I found an article that  re-assured my confidence and independence.

I know that I personally don’t really fend off of people’s ideas/opinions about me but sometimes I do believe that congregation or fellowship is important for one’s sanity.

I wonder if this ever happens to anyone besides me…”


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